2 July 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

C.J.S. – Avoid writing to other people's husbands, beyond a note on business, of course; and on all occasions let it be openly done, and to be read freely to the wife. Of course, the father of the bride should, in the case you name, take his aunt out of the church.

SHORT INTELLECT – Why should you "cultivate a bad memory"? Better to cultivate a good one. This may be done by daily learning by heart some pieces of poetry or prose.

MARGERITE – Thank you  for the exquisite flowers. It is very kind of you to send them after all our inattention to your enraged sister's letters. We are sorry to hear that, notwithstanding all we say in THE GIRL'S OWN PAPER, you find nothing to do that "nobody wants you," and that "everything is a dreary monotony." We cannot believe that you are anxious to be of service and to do your duty aright, for if you were you would soon find plenty of employment for your hands, head and heart.

IMPERIAL LILY – 1. At fifteen years of age you are far too young to become a hospital nurse. You should be learning your lessons in the schoolroom. Eighteen would be quite early enough for such a vocation. On the efficiency of a nurse the life of a patient mainly depends, under God's providence. 2. Do not send your dove on a long journey till mild weather has returned, and then cover the cage well. We should not imagine that the other would die from the loss of the other hen's companionship. If you have reason to think that their friendship was exceptionally romantic, get a mate for her without delay to fill the "aching void," before any sad catastrophe should occur.

AN ENGLISH GIRL – So you think that our correspondents are "imaginary people"? If so, you must be "an imaginary person" yourself, being one of them. Taking your view of the matter, it would be unnecessary to answer the query from a sham "English Girl"; but granting her "the benefit of a doubt" we answer this impatient little lady forthwith, to relieve her extreme anxiety on the question of "whether a leather belt may be worn over a jacket bodice"? Under a sense of deep responsibility we venture to say that it is a matter of no consequence whatever where little girls are concerned. Grown up persons do not wear them at present. Judging from her writing, "English Girl" must be about nine or ten years old, and she writes badly even for that.

DUMPS – We truly commiserate poor "Dumps." Your powers of attraction do not depend on mere personal beauty, but on a good and pleasing expression, gracious and gentle manners. Do not anticipate the possibility of a single life with dread. You need not suffer from loneliness on that account; but even that would be far preferable to married life under many circumstances that we might name. Ask God to provide for you as shall be for your best interests, in this life, and in that which is to come.

CURLEW – We are amused by our youthful reader's anxiety to know what chance there is of her being afflicted with lunacy, "on account of the high pressure of the age." This pressure, she says, "is without doubt felt by every single person in however remote a place he may be living." Our anxious little friend excludes from consideration (she adds) "those who become insane from over-taxing the mind." Be calm, dear reader, we do not live, even here, in such a terrible steam-engine for grinding out our brains as you imagine, working them as we do. As many become dull and even imbecile from extreme low "pressure" idleness, and lack of wholesome interest in the family and home business of their lives. Take note of that.

LITTLE RIGGLE – Thank you  for the pretty and nicely made pen wiper. Your writing is too stiff.

7 May 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

CISSIE K – Consult a doctor; he will probably discover the cause of your malady.

MINNIE HUFF  - We could not possibly inform you "how long it would take you to become a good violin player," for we do not know  either the present amount of your knowledge or your capabilities for learning. We should imagine from your note that it will take some time.

HEBE DAWSON – We consider it a possible case but not a probable one.

ANTONIA – Perhaps if you got up earlier in the morning you would have no difficulty in going to sleep at night.

VIRA – 1. There is nothing vulgar about wearing a flower in the street. 2. It would entirely depend on the amount of intimacy between you.

NANCY – We are much obliged for your offer, but we dread the prospect of reading "a very simple little story, written when you were thirteen." We remember too well what we did ourselves at that early and verdant age, and we take comfort in the idea that we shall never do the same thing again.

MARY MCELENY – In spite of much writing to the contrary, we fear there is no real reason to doubt that poor Joan of Arc was really burnt to death.

WHITE PUSSY thinks it worth while to write and inquire, "Do you like lemon? I do. There is another queston I forgot."

29 January 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

LOL.

TRUSTY - It would be better to take a lawyer's advice on the subject.

ISOLINA M - We regret that we cannot give you any assistance in the sale of your work. Your writing is indifferent.

BERTIE AND ETHEL - We are very sorry for your troubles, but we think they might be overcome by a little patience and forbearance on both sides. We think your own conduct has given very grave grounds of offence, as you had no right to make your family affairs public in the unseemly manner you did. Your stepmother, as your father's wife, has the strongest claims on your respect and affections, and you must remember that, unless you "give to all their due" - "honour to whom honour" - you cannot expect to receive the kindness and affection which belongs to you of right.

RECHA - Thank you most heartily for your affectionate letter. AS we have said before, we do not at present feel disposed to print our portrait in THE GIRL'S OWN PAPER, although you offer to pay more  for the number containing it. Wait until you have known us for a few years, and then perhaps long-established friendship will leave us no ground for continued refusal! Your letter is nicely written, but not so your verses. You are a good girl for writing us such a cheering letter, and sending us such a pretty New Year's card.

BARTIE - If while on visit to a friend the ladies' maid should assist in dressing you, some acknowledgment will be expected by her Otherwise, a lady, or two ladies together, visiting at a house unaccompanied by a gentleman, have only to fee the housemaid, not the men-servants. But if driven to a station by their coachman, unaccompanied by any of the family, you might give him, say, a couple of shillings (not if one of the family drives with you) and a shilling to any under-servant who carried your trunk up and down stairs. We are writing under the supposition that "Bartie" is not a rich woman, but merely of moderate means.

MRS. TYLER - Your request that we should recommend you the use of some drug to stop the growth of your daughter, and even, as you express it, to "shorten her," is a disgrace to you. Thank God, on the contrary, that He has given you a fine child, who grows well, and seems to thrive in spite of your very unnatural wishes to stunt her growth. It could not be done; and any attempt to do it would destroy her health. She writes fairly well for her age.

PUCK - The arm that a gentleman gives a lady is not invariably the same; it depends on circumstances of position. We write for girls, not men, and you are too young to think of such things. Correct your writing by reference to the articles we have give on penmanship.

DAY-DREAM - We are sorry to hear that you, a peer's daughter, are a perfect fright to look at with your red nose and fearful complexion! Your skin is naturally tender, and you have been using a too rough towel. Until that great entertainment at which you say you are to "come out," you should bathe the face morning and night in cold rain water, to which a little toilet vinegar has been added, and use cold cream at night. Your writing is good, but no better than it should be, for, with the advantages of having a governess to yourself, you ought to be a superior girl in everything. That you have yet to learn English is shown by your writing, "Will you please give me a pattern of how to make a woollen man's glove in your paper?" We are not so well acquainted with the requirements of woollen men as we are with those of careless and boasting girls.

27 November 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

We learn from the final two letters this week that (1) humble-bragging and (2) fishing for compliments precede the era of online social networking. 

CANARIENSIS AND OTHERS - 1. Paddle away as much as you like, as it is wonderfully strengthening to the feet and ankles. 2. We are almost afraid to offer any advice as to the length of time which girls ought to pass in the water. We have frequently offered our advice at the seaside and it has invariably been rejected. Our private opinion is that twenty minutes will make a very fair average, but much depends on the constitution of the bather. When a bather of either sex finds that the finger tips become white instead of pink, it is a sign that the bath has been too long. Giddiness on coming out of the water tells the same story.

BERYL ORSMOND - 1. Make the diet of your cockatoo as simple as possible. Perhaps you have been allowing her to nibble at bones or to eat animal food. Give her a bath by all means, but don't put her in it yourself. If she needs a bath, instinct will teach her to use it. 2. You do not mention your age, so we cannot tell how much character your writing ought to have; it certainly is not too small, and it is perfectly legible, but it has a sort of character of its own, the lines slanting downwards instead of upwards, as is the usual feminine fashion. Practise writing with black-lined paper, and you will soon find yourself falling into the right way.

ZULU HAT - 1. Of course you do not "make both ends meet of your income" if on £300 per annum and you "keep three servants." One is all you ought to keep, and you should undertake the light part of the household work yourself. 2. Wreaths of grapes and a few poppies serve best as trimming for a Zulu hat.

ALPHONSIA - 1. Your handwriting is very good for your age. But don't be satisfied; make it still better. 2. Who is afraid? Why, bring common-sense to bear upon it. You should live where we do, and go upstairs at midnight to hear the owls hooting in the wood. Whenever you feel particularly nervous repeat to yourself the fourth verse of the 23rd Psalm; it is a fine cordial for all timid folk.

AN UNSOPHISTICATED CHILD OF NATURE - Kindly choose a shorter *nom de plume when next you write. Do not be uneasy about your tortoise. The little gentleman has very likely got a will of his own. Try him with cabbage or greens, but he will go off to sleep by and bye, and when summer days come, he will most assuredly make up for his long fast.

JARVIS STREET - We regret to tell you that our editorial staff is complete; and we already have close connections with Canada.

LILIAN MARY GRAHAM - Both your friends failed in good breeding. The gentleman should have taken the penny to pay  for the stamp, as he had already laid the lady under an obligation by his prompt kindness in offering it to her. But allowing that the gentleman failed in good breeding that is no excuse  for the lady's declining the stamp altogether. Finding she was not allowed to pay for it, she should have accepted it with a graceful expression of thanks  for the gift. Of the two, the lady's fault was the greater.

CLARINDA - 1. We do not know - and do not wish to know - who wrote the morbid lines which you quote. We think you had better consult your doctor for you are evidently in a very bad state. 2. Your writing is scandalous.

HAZELDYNE - Why do you say that care not for music, and yet  acknowledge that you play Bach, Beethoven, Haydn and Mozart. Your sister says that you play well and have a very good touch. WE counsel you not to be silly, for you are getting out of the dry-bones part of learning, and will be thankful, when you are older, that you are an accomplished pianist. Your writing is rather nice, and so is your sister's.

A LEFT-OUT ONE - If it is true that you are selfish, lazy, bad-tempered, plain and unaccomplished, we do not wonder that nobody cares for you, and we trust that you will always keep at a respectful distance from us. Your portrait which you enclose, however, is that of a charming young damsel.

11 September 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

W.A.A. - You ask no question, or we should have had more than ordinary pleasure in answering one who sends such a charmingly-expressed and gracious a letter, solely to express her thanks to the editor and his staff of contributors. Any trouble we take is amply rewarded by the receipt of letters like yours.

GLADYS - 1. It is very ill-bred to reply, "It is granted" when a person begs pardon for some trifling accident or little breach of etiquette, because by so doing you imply that such pardon was required. On the contrary, you should repudiate the idea that you had received any injury or slight, ad so set your friend at ease. "Not at all," "Don't mention it," or some such words suitable to the occasion, would be in better taste. 2. Never omit to thank either man, woman, or child (whether gentle or simple) for any little service or attention. Say "Thank you," or, "I am obliged to you," if to a gentleman, and you wish to be formal; never say "thanks" -it is a vulgar abbreviation, and to an inferior would be much too familiar. From so constantly hearing the word, even well-bred people have fallen into the habit of using it. 3. Be careful not to make any one repeat what they have said. Rather guess what has been said, and let them correct your mistake. To say, "I beg your pardon" has become such a trick amongst young people that they make themselves quite a nuisance. Never pass any acquaintance as if unknown to you; but a slight smile and equally slight inclination of the head would be sufficient, should your eyes meet the second time of passing them. 4. You should not say, "You are welcome" when a tradesman thanks you for paying his bill. 5. The lady has the right of bowing first; circumstances must regulate the question of which speaks first after the recognition.

GREEN PEA PODS - 1. Yes. 2. Feed your toy terrier as often as you feed yourself. Share your meals with it, but give plenty of exercise, else it will get fat. 3. No, we certainly do not admire your handwriting.

MAROON - So long as you find that your gums are not irritated by cleaning your teeth with soot, and that it does not go between the gums and teeth, you may continue its use.

CORA - I fear that you would not be suitable for a companion, as you do not express yourself in good English, for you should be able to undertake the correspondence of your employer, if required. The qualifications of a companion are similar, in many respects, to those of a governess. She should play fairly well, and be able to accompany any one who sings; should be a good needlewoman; understand something of both nursing and housekeeping, should be an agreeable reader, understanding how to modulate her voice, and where to lay the emphasis of any sentence. She should be equally agreeable in conversation, pleasing in manner; knowing how to maintain a certain degree of reserve, and how to keep up her own dignity, and yet not to place herself on an equality with her employer, which requires a good deal of tact. You say that you "move in genteel society"; this is a vulgarism, and if you made use of such an expression to the lady about to engage you - if a well-bred person herself - she would judge you by it, and decline your services.

19 June 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

A STAMMERER - If you propose to be a pupil teacher, it is absolutely essential for you to cure your stammering, as it would utterly disqualify you as a teacher. There are masters who devote themselves entirely to its cure, and you should place yourself under tuition on this point. Reading aloud is a great help. There is a French method of forbidding you to speak for some days, and then to utter but one sentence; thus gradually permitting you to speak by very slow degrees.

TINY - You appear to be a vain little girl. Your looks should not be of so much consequence as your behaviour. We fear you are not so good and humble a little child as you ought to be.

CLEOPATRA - We are very sorry for your trouble in reference to your excessive bleeding of the nose. Inject a little alum and water up the nostrils, sit upright, and bathe the face and neck with cold water. Hold your hands up over your head, and habitually avoid stooping over any occupation. If these measures be insufficient, consult a doctor. Sometimes it is an effort of nature to relieve the system, which to a moderate extent, may even prove beneficial, but a medical man alone would be a safe judge of that. We must compliment you on your beautiful handwriting. We see very few such specimens.

MAGGIE WHITE - No lady bows to a clergyman, nor to any other man, unless already introduced. Your attending a church does not give you a right to bow to its clergyman, and if you do not look at him when passing, you can experience no sort of awkwardness in omitting a recognition But if you have been in the habit of bowing to a particular clergyman, you had better continue to do so.

SWEET SEVENTEEN (?) - You can get the eggs of silkworms in Covent Garden. They will eat lettuce when they first come out.

1 May 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

"VERE CASSILLIS" - We are very sorry that we have no prescription to give you for changing the red shade of your hair. But, comfort yourself with the assurance many admire it, and the Old Masters delighted in depicting their beauties with glowing locks. Keep your hair beautifully smooth - not frizzy; plait it, and make it into a coil at the back of the head, and wear pale blue, black, white, violet or sage green. Beside, your manners might be so attractive, and all your words and ways so gentle, sweet, and kind, that the colour of your hair would never be thought of - quite lost in the generally agreeable impression produced by that greater and better part of you, the heart and mind.

CONSTANTINE - 1. Charcoal may be used occasionally as tooth-powder. Your second question has frequently been answered. 3. We have no recipe to offer you for making hair grow long without thickening it. 4. You should pronounce the first z in an Italian word as a t; not the second. 5. We are not disposed to alter the arrangement of our paper; others appreciate the illustrations. 6. Your handwriting is bad and often illegible.

MARIE S. - Very old, as your cat is, its fur is very likely to come off. Take care to give it no greasy food, no fat - and very little meat; which latter should always be cooked. Milk and water sop, and this rather warm, is the best food for it. You would write better if you had a better pen.

ALICE DODD - You have asked us a lot of absurd questions, which of course we do not intend to answer; but, before consigning your letter to the waste paper basket we wish to ask you to learn the spelling of the following easy words; raspberry (you had it as rasberry), whose (whos), amiss (amis), right (write!). Also we might mention that you mix the singular number with the plural punctuate in the wrong places, omit capital letters, and write a disgraceful hand. It would be wiser of you to try to improve your education instead of "reading jollie novels."

3 April 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

E.T.N.N.A - 1. We do not prescribe "charms" for the curing of any complaints. The usual method adopted for removing warts is to touch them with lunar caustic or aromatic vinegar daily. 2. Your writing needs correction. Take some pretty and legible model, and copy it carefully every day, so as to form your hand by degrees.

AN INQUIRER - We hardly know what the shade of John Bunyan would say if it could read your enquiry as t "whether the 'Pilgrim's Progress' were a novel" Procure it and judge for yourself; this you evidently have not yet done. But in case you have, I may tell you that it is an allegory or parabolic story, of which we have the first examples in the Holy Scriptures.

A.S.K. - Your handwriting is fairly good, but your spelling is bad. Law-copying (not "coping") may perhaps be obtained by personal enquiry in lawyers' offices in your own neighbourhood. But you will have to be taught, for one mistake will spoil a whole document.

FANNY - Your enquiry respecting the making of an electric telegraph machine, is so expressed as to be utterly unintelligible. We advise you to devote a little time to learning your English grammar. There is not a single instance of punctuation in your letter. IF you wish to manufacture such a machine you should take lessons of some mechanic.

AN ELDER SISTER - We do not consider that questions such as yours, respecting matrimony, come within the limits of our correspondence.

FLORENCE writers to say that "she would be glad to be informed how to earn her living; that she has read all that has been put in THE GIRL'S OWN PAPER, but it is not the kind of thing for her". As Florence gives us no information with respect to her acquirements, her natural gifts, nor her position in life, it is quite impossible for us to give her any further suggestions.

ICE - We are very sorry that we are unable to give you any satisfactory advice as to supplementing your present earnings. You would not be eligible for any work in "law copying" on account of your handwriting, which is very bad; and the composition of your letter is not even grammatical. Surely you could improve both. We do not write private letters.

20 August 1887 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

A lot of snark and boy troubles this month. 

POOR JANE: - All our readers of Answers to Correspondents know very well that we make no invidious distinctions between the upper classes and the poor. You have certainly no cause for complaint, since we answered your first letter at once. The tone of this second letter is impertinent, in suggesting that perhaps we shall not reply "because you are poor". You are mistaken in thinking that the use of a "J" pen will make you "write like a lady". Write careful copies with any pen you like. We do not care to advertise books on palmistry.

E.G.A.C.B.: - How many initials you need for identification! The rule is  for the lady to bow first, and then the man to take off his hat. There is no occasion for stopping to speak in the street; far better not to do so.

ELEANOR M.E.:- You might do so in private, and it would give pleasure. But you do well in pausing to ask advice in such matters.

SIS WIN:- No girl at seventeen should be liable to forget herself in saying or doing what is indiscreet. She should not be so taken by surprise by words or acts of others as to be betrayed into making unwise confidences, nor consenting to unsuitable proposals. If self-possessed, she will be armed against indiscretion. Your writing is stiff - does not slope the right way.

WHITE HEATHER:- It is said "Doctors differ, and patients die"; so we do not desire to render "confusion worse confounded" in your case, which appears to have proved a bone of contention amongst your advisers so far. Your person and circumstances are quite unknown to us, and we could not venture to solve the difficult question. Getting all your teeth extracted seems to us like horse practice.

ELIZABETH B:- On no account marry any man that you neither have nor feel confidence in his late improvement in conduct. If the very thought of marrying him makes you ill, and you are not strong, do not be persuaded to do so. No parent has any right natural or legal to force a child into a marriage against her inclination. Tell your mistress all your trouble, and remain in your situation. You would be quite justified in going away unknown, if you had any respectable place to go to, and that were your only way of escape. In any case, even when in the church you can say "No!" when the clergyman asks you whether you will have the man. Tell your case to a magistrate and ask for his protection.

TROUBLED SIS: It is not only indiscreet, but wrong, to correspond with any man other than with him to whom you are engaged; more especially when he had the audacity to put you "on your honour not to show the letters" and presumes to address you as "Darling Sis!"  Of course your affianced husband has a right to see the letters of any man who writes to you. His chatting in a friendly way, or even flirting with a lady friend, does not justify you in doing the same. If he does wrong, why should you follow suit? Be off with the old love before you are on with the new.

HAMLET:- You need to be taught to ride a tricycle and to wear a suitable dress that will not be entangled in the wheels. Under other circumstances it would be dangerous to ride one.

LIZZIE LANDSDOWNE should make rosemary tea just as she would make drinking tea, or sage tea for application to a sunburnt face.

J.H.:- WE do not think you could teach, or rather un-teach your bird its present habit of taking its bath without a companion to give it a lesson. Of course it would not understand how to begin.

IVY LEAF must find something useful and interesting to think about. An idle mind will naturally dream and wander like a rudderless ship. The cure depends on her own will.

A.B.C. has no idea of versification.

ONE OF THE GIRLS:- Your lines show religious feeling, not genius.

GERTRUDE M. DUTTRY:- The lines have some merits, but the handwriting is extremely hard to decipher, and also ugly.

MARIE STUART:- We advise our taking more exercise, leaving off tea and coffee, and stimulants if you take them. Take cocoa instead, also fruit cooked and uncooked, and cultivate happiness in yourself; it will grow if you really begin to see the bright side of life.

F.M.T.W.:- The person who wrote your quotation must have been ignorant and foolish to the last degree; the Coronation Stone, even for its antiquity and association, is an interesting and wonderful relic.

SPRING FLOWERS:- The composition you send to us for insertion is of the usual schoolgirl kind. By-and-by you may do better, and achieve some originality of thought.

HELEN:- It is anything but "the beauty of the hair to be so greasy"! Wash it once a week, and keep it thoroughly brushed daily, using clean brushes perpetually.