2 July 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

C.J.S. – Avoid writing to other people's husbands, beyond a note on business, of course; and on all occasions let it be openly done, and to be read freely to the wife. Of course, the father of the bride should, in the case you name, take his aunt out of the church.

SHORT INTELLECT – Why should you "cultivate a bad memory"? Better to cultivate a good one. This may be done by daily learning by heart some pieces of poetry or prose.

MARGERITE – Thank you  for the exquisite flowers. It is very kind of you to send them after all our inattention to your enraged sister's letters. We are sorry to hear that, notwithstanding all we say in THE GIRL'S OWN PAPER, you find nothing to do that "nobody wants you," and that "everything is a dreary monotony." We cannot believe that you are anxious to be of service and to do your duty aright, for if you were you would soon find plenty of employment for your hands, head and heart.

IMPERIAL LILY – 1. At fifteen years of age you are far too young to become a hospital nurse. You should be learning your lessons in the schoolroom. Eighteen would be quite early enough for such a vocation. On the efficiency of a nurse the life of a patient mainly depends, under God's providence. 2. Do not send your dove on a long journey till mild weather has returned, and then cover the cage well. We should not imagine that the other would die from the loss of the other hen's companionship. If you have reason to think that their friendship was exceptionally romantic, get a mate for her without delay to fill the "aching void," before any sad catastrophe should occur.

AN ENGLISH GIRL – So you think that our correspondents are "imaginary people"? If so, you must be "an imaginary person" yourself, being one of them. Taking your view of the matter, it would be unnecessary to answer the query from a sham "English Girl"; but granting her "the benefit of a doubt" we answer this impatient little lady forthwith, to relieve her extreme anxiety on the question of "whether a leather belt may be worn over a jacket bodice"? Under a sense of deep responsibility we venture to say that it is a matter of no consequence whatever where little girls are concerned. Grown up persons do not wear them at present. Judging from her writing, "English Girl" must be about nine or ten years old, and she writes badly even for that.

DUMPS – We truly commiserate poor "Dumps." Your powers of attraction do not depend on mere personal beauty, but on a good and pleasing expression, gracious and gentle manners. Do not anticipate the possibility of a single life with dread. You need not suffer from loneliness on that account; but even that would be far preferable to married life under many circumstances that we might name. Ask God to provide for you as shall be for your best interests, in this life, and in that which is to come.

CURLEW – We are amused by our youthful reader's anxiety to know what chance there is of her being afflicted with lunacy, "on account of the high pressure of the age." This pressure, she says, "is without doubt felt by every single person in however remote a place he may be living." Our anxious little friend excludes from consideration (she adds) "those who become insane from over-taxing the mind." Be calm, dear reader, we do not live, even here, in such a terrible steam-engine for grinding out our brains as you imagine, working them as we do. As many become dull and even imbecile from extreme low "pressure" idleness, and lack of wholesome interest in the family and home business of their lives. Take note of that.

LITTLE RIGGLE – Thank you  for the pretty and nicely made pen wiper. Your writing is too stiff.

25 June 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

Before WebMD there was the Answers to Correspondents in The Girl's Own Paper. 

MYRA S. – We decline to inform anybody "the size their waist ought to be." "A Ward in Chancery" is an infant under the protection of the Court of Chancery.

MAY. – Cover the canary's cage by all means at night if the room be cold or draughty. Dogs' biscuits are the best food.

SNOWSTORM. – Very finely powdered burnt alum to use, and alum-water as a gargle, are often useful in such enlargement. For your decanters try a little lemon juice and fine salt mixed, which may remove the mildew. A bottle rack is used for drying bottles.

SIGNORA MASANTE. – Your letter is one of those which gives us encouragement in our work. You would obtain a few lessons in hairdressing easily, but you would have to begin as young ladies' or second maid, as it is difficult to get a situation of the sort without previous experience. You will obtain it through an advertisement in a good paper. Your writing and composition do you credit, the only drawback to the former being the flourishes with which it is graced.

LORNA. – You send us five or six questions, which is more than your share. Do not plait your hair too tight, its sudden falling out was probably more due to your health than to your having plaited it. Put your dried ferns into a book, and fasten strips of paper across their stalks to keep them in their place.

M.V.V. – Avoid sugar and sweet things, and never take beer. Biscuits would also be better than bread. You might improve your writing by writing copies of running hand, so as to acquire more freedom with your pen.

A DROWSY SUBSCRIBER. – So many call themselves "subscribers" that we have to supply some distinguishing appellation. The extreme nervousness of which you complain, combined with an equally distressing degree of drowsiness, sleeping for three hours in the day, in addition to sleeping heavily through the night, shows you to need a personal interview with some good doctor. We could not venture to prescribe for you. You appear to be suffering from malaria.

A PECULIAR SCOTCH LASSIE. – We confess that we are unable to give a satisfactory solution of such a phenomenon as that described. The writer's case might have deserved record in the book of "wonderful people," for "her eyes make a noise when she blinks," and like some mechanical toy she produces a rattling all over! A peculiar "grating noise in her chest when coughing," and another "in her throat when swallowing." We sympathise with her, but can only recommend the visit of a doctor who can judge of these noises and their probable causes.

VIETCHEN. – Your case is a very extraordinary one. We cannot give a recommendation of any particular doctor, but may tell you the climate of the island of Sark (Channel Islands) is said to be most beneficial to sufferers from asthma Your handwriting is good. 

11 June 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

RITA – We must again request our correspondents not to ask the same questions over and over again, as we have not time or leisure to answer a question more than once, and it is wearisome to general readers. "Noblesse oblige" is a French proverb to signify that more is expected of those in high position and superior advantages than of their inferiors.

WATER WITCH – It is impossible to say whether the planets are inhabited or not, but we believe the last opinion formed by scientific men is that if they be, the people must be entirely different to ourselves.

M.F. – The "Onion Fair" at Birmingham takes place at about the end of August, or the early part of Spetember, the time probably being that when the onions ripen, and are taken from the soil. We hope you will continue all your studies, as no little girl could be sufficiently educated at fourteen.

CLARICE – Instructions can be given as to the usages of society in regard to some things, but no lessons can ensure "an attractive and pleasing manner." What is artificial and not habitual or natural cannot be attractive to those most worth pleasing. Habitual manner must be the expressions of the mind and heart. It is not usual to leave the room in parting with a visitor, except it be a friend so intimate that you chat with her to the door, or a stranger whom it would be advisable to see out.

DROFFIG – The lines are not worth printing. It is kindest to give a plain answer, as you can employ your time and good feeling in a better way.

A.B. – You are deficient in grammar, when you say that someone "wishes an introduction to my sister and I." Do not also be deficient in prudence.

A MAID IN TROUBLE – It would be well if you were as troubled about the inside of your head as the outside; spelling and writing are very poor.  For the hair any stimulating spirit may be as effective as bay rum.

21 May 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

EASTERN HELIOTROPE – We sympathise with you and your eldest brother sincerely. In reference to your own case, you have given us a clue to the reason for some of the unpleasant scenes that occur. "I confess to a very hot temper," to which you give vent when annoying things are said. But a young girl, still a minor, has no business to "answer back," whatever may be said by one so much older and standing in such a position. We say this in all kindliness, and with the fullest  sympathy for you in so painful a position. Try the peace-making effect of that "soft answer" that "turneth away wrath," and set yourself to the difficult task of self-control, daily asking  for the needful strength. This "nagging" is often the result of a lack of tact in the person subjected to it.

EVELYN, NELLIE, CHOLMONDELEY, AND L.S.D. wish to restore discoloured pearls to their natural hue. Soak them in hot water in which bran has been boiled, with a little salts of tartar and alum, rubbing them gently between the fingers, when the heat will allow, rinse them in lukewarm water, and lay them to dry in a dark place on white paper. Renew the application till all discolouration is removed.

HOUSEKEEPER – With great care we think £3 to £3 10s per week should suffice for food, washing, and light. The clothing  for the father, mother, and two elder daughters would cost at least £15 per annum each.  For the two younger ones £15 the two. All clothes must be made at home, except the gentlemen's cloth suits. You do not mention either wages or rent, so we conclude you pay these from some other fund, as they are very important items. Repairs and renewal of furniture, china, and house linen are also omitted.

WILD ROSE – We consider that it is a lazy and very bad practice to appear at breakfast in a dressing-gown. If young girls come down in bedroom attire, the grandmammas and grandpapas might come down in their night-caps and slippers. The term genre is French, and denotes subjects of still life, sometimes, perhaps, including birds and animals. The Dutch excel in this style.

PET LAMB – From what you say we fancy you have a soprano voice of small compass, and you have not got any good low notes. If suffering from chronic hoarseness you should consult a doctor. We thank you for all your kind wishes.

F.M.  – What a funny little body "F.M." appears to be! She says, "I have written a book, and cannot tell what to do next. I do not know what a publisher is." They are not "sea-serpents" at all events, though apparently rather formidable to this little maiden who seems to be so much "at sea" on the question of launching her paper boat. She further assures us that "the people in my book are neither so ignorant nor so foolish as I am." But all the same we do not know how we may obtain the privilege of an introduction to them. Get some gentleman friend (clergyman or lawyer) to look through your manuscript and advise you. We did not for a moment disparage the feminine character of your epistle by "mistaking you for a boy."

ROSALIND – It is by no means advisable for a girl's health to go out every morning in the depth of winter, at half-past 6 a.m., to attend a class, fasting. Under such circumstances she is liable to catch any infection prevalent, and to suffer from the inclemency of the weather. If unable to obtain a regular breakfast she should have a cup of milk and a piece of bread and butter.

7 May 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

CISSIE K – Consult a doctor; he will probably discover the cause of your malady.

MINNIE HUFF  - We could not possibly inform you "how long it would take you to become a good violin player," for we do not know  either the present amount of your knowledge or your capabilities for learning. We should imagine from your note that it will take some time.

HEBE DAWSON – We consider it a possible case but not a probable one.

ANTONIA – Perhaps if you got up earlier in the morning you would have no difficulty in going to sleep at night.

VIRA – 1. There is nothing vulgar about wearing a flower in the street. 2. It would entirely depend on the amount of intimacy between you.

NANCY – We are much obliged for your offer, but we dread the prospect of reading "a very simple little story, written when you were thirteen." We remember too well what we did ourselves at that early and verdant age, and we take comfort in the idea that we shall never do the same thing again.

MARY MCELENY – In spite of much writing to the contrary, we fear there is no real reason to doubt that poor Joan of Arc was really burnt to death.

WHITE PUSSY thinks it worth while to write and inquire, "Do you like lemon? I do. There is another queston I forgot."

2 April 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

GERTRUDE TREVOR - We fear you would find some difficulty in getting the boy into an orphanage, as he is not really an orphan. As he has been at school  for the past four years, would it not be wiser to endeavour to place him with a stationer or bookseller, where he would obtain his board and clothing, and could continue to attend school at night. 

DUNELM - You do not tell us what your own feelings are, so our advice would be useless. But we should think that you had better speak to your father, if you wish to put an end to the acquaintance, and let him act for you. We regret that your writing should have been so much neglected. 

ALPINE SAPLING - The "Willow Pattern" illustrates an old traditional Chinese story of two young people who married clandestinely, were pursued by the bride's father to be beaten to death, but were changed into turtle doves, and so escaped. The three figures are represented on the bridge; that nearest the willow is the mandarin with the whip. On the right is his country seat; the small cottage is that of the gardener from whence he watched them. The island home in the distance is that of Chang, the young lover of Lichi, the mandarin's only daughter.

BEATRICE - Because you have been seven years in your situation you wish to change. You had better think twice and oftener about it. There are hundreds and thousands who would gladly take your place if you left it.

SP - Wait five years. What is done in haste will be repented at leisure.

PYGMEE - Several hundred letters of correspondence come every week. It is possible to give replies only to a selected number, which seem to have special interest. Many are about trifles, or ask questions which anyone at hand could answer if asked. Never be ashamed to confess ignorance by seeking information.





And finally, LOL: 

MABEL BOLTON, of Weymouth, writes to say, "I shall be obliged if you will intimate that the Mabel Bolton whom you advise not to waste her time and fancy on attempting to write verses is some other than myself. I ask this because your criticism and the somewhat uncommon designation of your correspondent have misled my friends and exposed me to some unpleasantness.

19 February 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

RIGGY - Your writing is very ugly.

QUEEN OF DAISIES - After so kind and appreciative a letter, it would be indeed difficult to find fault. Your writing is excellent, but beware of flourishes, and use better ink.

JANE W - 1. You are not feeding your parrot properly, that is the cause of her indisposition. The soaked bread is all right so long as you give it in a clean dish and fresh every morning. Stop the hemp and stop the bones. You may give canary and millet seed, however, and nuts, and crusts, and an occasional cayenne pepper pod. This last is considered a great dainty by a parrot. 2. Handwriting fair, but may be greatly improved. You must try to write without ruling your paper.

LITTLE NELL - Your health is undoubtedly delicate. At your age (22) you should not feel worn out and tired by eight o'clock at night; nor should you have those tell-tale dark rings around your eyes. We are sure you would feel benefitted by a course of citrate of iron and quinine; cod-liver oil would also benefit you. But you must live very regularly, and be all you can in the fresh air. Change, too, would do you good. You may write again, and we will be happy if our advice has benefitted you.

NELLIE - Red and yellow are both considered appropriate to brunettes.

FANNY - We believe that many ladies use them in riding, but we hope you will remember a very little spur will go a long way, and avoid cruelty.

BLACK-EYED SUSAN - We should advise your consulting a doctor. Your writing is legible.

LADY MARY W - Birds are often killed by the frost in wintry weather. Take a half-dead bird up and placing it near the fire as you have done, would only make matters worse. If you want to show mercy to poor birds, place them in a quiet room or garret, and feed on crumbs, letting them free whenever they wish to go, for *old wild birds can hardly be tamed.

LADY CLARICE - We quote  for the benefit of our hysterical correspondent, from a first-class medical work recently published - "If a girl wishes to have a hysterical fit, by all means let her have it. Conduct her to an empty room, place her on the floor, and let her have a fit quietly by herself. Mothers ought to instil into their daughters habits of self-discipline and control, and also take care that they have plenty of occupation and out-of-door exercise."

29 January 1881 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

LOL.

TRUSTY - It would be better to take a lawyer's advice on the subject.

ISOLINA M - We regret that we cannot give you any assistance in the sale of your work. Your writing is indifferent.

BERTIE AND ETHEL - We are very sorry for your troubles, but we think they might be overcome by a little patience and forbearance on both sides. We think your own conduct has given very grave grounds of offence, as you had no right to make your family affairs public in the unseemly manner you did. Your stepmother, as your father's wife, has the strongest claims on your respect and affections, and you must remember that, unless you "give to all their due" - "honour to whom honour" - you cannot expect to receive the kindness and affection which belongs to you of right.

RECHA - Thank you most heartily for your affectionate letter. AS we have said before, we do not at present feel disposed to print our portrait in THE GIRL'S OWN PAPER, although you offer to pay more  for the number containing it. Wait until you have known us for a few years, and then perhaps long-established friendship will leave us no ground for continued refusal! Your letter is nicely written, but not so your verses. You are a good girl for writing us such a cheering letter, and sending us such a pretty New Year's card.

BARTIE - If while on visit to a friend the ladies' maid should assist in dressing you, some acknowledgment will be expected by her Otherwise, a lady, or two ladies together, visiting at a house unaccompanied by a gentleman, have only to fee the housemaid, not the men-servants. But if driven to a station by their coachman, unaccompanied by any of the family, you might give him, say, a couple of shillings (not if one of the family drives with you) and a shilling to any under-servant who carried your trunk up and down stairs. We are writing under the supposition that "Bartie" is not a rich woman, but merely of moderate means.

MRS. TYLER - Your request that we should recommend you the use of some drug to stop the growth of your daughter, and even, as you express it, to "shorten her," is a disgrace to you. Thank God, on the contrary, that He has given you a fine child, who grows well, and seems to thrive in spite of your very unnatural wishes to stunt her growth. It could not be done; and any attempt to do it would destroy her health. She writes fairly well for her age.

PUCK - The arm that a gentleman gives a lady is not invariably the same; it depends on circumstances of position. We write for girls, not men, and you are too young to think of such things. Correct your writing by reference to the articles we have give on penmanship.

DAY-DREAM - We are sorry to hear that you, a peer's daughter, are a perfect fright to look at with your red nose and fearful complexion! Your skin is naturally tender, and you have been using a too rough towel. Until that great entertainment at which you say you are to "come out," you should bathe the face morning and night in cold rain water, to which a little toilet vinegar has been added, and use cold cream at night. Your writing is good, but no better than it should be, for, with the advantages of having a governess to yourself, you ought to be a superior girl in everything. That you have yet to learn English is shown by your writing, "Will you please give me a pattern of how to make a woollen man's glove in your paper?" We are not so well acquainted with the requirements of woollen men as we are with those of careless and boasting girls.

27 November 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

We learn from the final two letters this week that (1) humble-bragging and (2) fishing for compliments precede the era of online social networking. 

CANARIENSIS AND OTHERS - 1. Paddle away as much as you like, as it is wonderfully strengthening to the feet and ankles. 2. We are almost afraid to offer any advice as to the length of time which girls ought to pass in the water. We have frequently offered our advice at the seaside and it has invariably been rejected. Our private opinion is that twenty minutes will make a very fair average, but much depends on the constitution of the bather. When a bather of either sex finds that the finger tips become white instead of pink, it is a sign that the bath has been too long. Giddiness on coming out of the water tells the same story.

BERYL ORSMOND - 1. Make the diet of your cockatoo as simple as possible. Perhaps you have been allowing her to nibble at bones or to eat animal food. Give her a bath by all means, but don't put her in it yourself. If she needs a bath, instinct will teach her to use it. 2. You do not mention your age, so we cannot tell how much character your writing ought to have; it certainly is not too small, and it is perfectly legible, but it has a sort of character of its own, the lines slanting downwards instead of upwards, as is the usual feminine fashion. Practise writing with black-lined paper, and you will soon find yourself falling into the right way.

ZULU HAT - 1. Of course you do not "make both ends meet of your income" if on £300 per annum and you "keep three servants." One is all you ought to keep, and you should undertake the light part of the household work yourself. 2. Wreaths of grapes and a few poppies serve best as trimming for a Zulu hat.

ALPHONSIA - 1. Your handwriting is very good for your age. But don't be satisfied; make it still better. 2. Who is afraid? Why, bring common-sense to bear upon it. You should live where we do, and go upstairs at midnight to hear the owls hooting in the wood. Whenever you feel particularly nervous repeat to yourself the fourth verse of the 23rd Psalm; it is a fine cordial for all timid folk.

AN UNSOPHISTICATED CHILD OF NATURE - Kindly choose a shorter *nom de plume when next you write. Do not be uneasy about your tortoise. The little gentleman has very likely got a will of his own. Try him with cabbage or greens, but he will go off to sleep by and bye, and when summer days come, he will most assuredly make up for his long fast.

JARVIS STREET - We regret to tell you that our editorial staff is complete; and we already have close connections with Canada.

LILIAN MARY GRAHAM - Both your friends failed in good breeding. The gentleman should have taken the penny to pay  for the stamp, as he had already laid the lady under an obligation by his prompt kindness in offering it to her. But allowing that the gentleman failed in good breeding that is no excuse  for the lady's declining the stamp altogether. Finding she was not allowed to pay for it, she should have accepted it with a graceful expression of thanks  for the gift. Of the two, the lady's fault was the greater.

CLARINDA - 1. We do not know - and do not wish to know - who wrote the morbid lines which you quote. We think you had better consult your doctor for you are evidently in a very bad state. 2. Your writing is scandalous.

HAZELDYNE - Why do you say that care not for music, and yet  acknowledge that you play Bach, Beethoven, Haydn and Mozart. Your sister says that you play well and have a very good touch. WE counsel you not to be silly, for you are getting out of the dry-bones part of learning, and will be thankful, when you are older, that you are an accomplished pianist. Your writing is rather nice, and so is your sister's.

A LEFT-OUT ONE - If it is true that you are selfish, lazy, bad-tempered, plain and unaccomplished, we do not wonder that nobody cares for you, and we trust that you will always keep at a respectful distance from us. Your portrait which you enclose, however, is that of a charming young damsel.

20 November 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

TOPSY - We blame you not for weeping, as the song says, but try to take things more easy. Some people "worry" through life, make life in fact a continued "fever," and shorten their days by so doing. If you cannot learn to command your feelings at fifteen, you will not be able to do so at twenty. We are not making light of your troubles indeed, for such a girl's grief is often very real. Bathe your eyes with water (cold) in which a little toilet vinegar has been poured; then lie down a little and repeat the bathing when you get up. Afterwards sit in the fresh air for a short time, or at an open window. 2. All Walter Scott's novels are good, but read "Ivanhoe," it is spirited, and will not make you cry much. Writing fair, rather too round. Practise.

WAITING - You write very well.

C.C.G. - We prefer the "t's" crossed.

NELLIE B. - You write well, but red ink is objectionable, as it is too pale.

CORA FORREST - You may either peel the orange and divide it in its natural sections, or cut it in halve and quarters, and use both knife and fork. Your writing promises to be good.

NIL DESPERANDUM - Your writing is a beautiful copperplate hand.

J.B. VANE - The age at which a girl may be engaged must depend on her mother's wishes. We should consider seventeen too young, unless under exceptional circumstances. You promise to write well.

JENNIE WREN - Your natural hand, No.1, is by far the best of the collection, and very good. Your verses are much the reverse.

JENNY GEDDES - A travelling companion should speak good French, German and Italian, be familiar with the coin of each Continental country, should be well read in all the best guide books, and should be quick in understanding railway guides. When a route has been chosen and the best places for breaking the journey decided upon, the companion should make herself well informed as to the places of interest best worth a visit, and be able to act as a valuable guide.

23 October 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

 TRIXY - Yes, a girl of thirteen who measures five feet in height is certainly tall. But is Trixy in earnest when she says she can walk six miles an hour? Can she keep it up? Why, it is athlete's work, and certain to do her harm if she persists in the practice.

NURSEY - You tell us your friend is so much affected at the chest and throat by a long and loud fit of laughter as to feel a considerable amount of exhaustion, and to wheeze in his breathing, so that it resembles low whistling. And you ask first whether it is probably the mischief is in the throat or chest, and second, "Would it appear to be a serious weakness?" Did we know his age and the condition of his body, whether fat or lean, we would be better able to answer you. We would say that the mischief was in the bronchial tubes of the lungs; they are just weak enough to be easily irritated, spasmodically so. We do not say it is serious, and if he is young or middle-aged, here is the treatment, good living, exercise, dumb bells preferably - cod-liver oil, the shower bath and avoidance of exciting cause. Why does he laugh so? It makes us smile to think of it.

AMY SIMS - Your first letter was never received. You want advice about loss of voice, and say "my singing voice has lately, without any apparent cause, entirely disappeared, and I can scarcely sing a note." This is what we in the medical profession term "Aphonia," but not complete. It may be caused by cold, or by a kind of partial paralysis of the vocal cords, or from hysteria, or from derangement of the general health. We believe that if you once a week take a seidlitz powder before breakfast, and get an iron and quinine mixture from your chemist's, and take it regularly thrice a day, you will soon regain your voice. Parrish's chemical food does good in such cases, as does cod-liver oil. Write again.

MURIEL M. - The redness in the nose that you complain of as occurring in cold weather can only be remedied by attention to the general health. Your circulation does not seem to be strong. By taking plenty of exercise in the open air you strengthen the heart, and the bath in the morning will prevent you from catching cold, and brace the nerves as well. Take also from ten to fifteen drops of tincture of iron in a little water three times a day. (You give no age but we presume from your handwriting you are between fifteen and twenty.) Attend particularly to the state of your stomach.

VIOLET SILVER asks for "a receipt for red hands." We have none to  acknowledge. If she requires a recipe for them we advise her to wear no gloves, and expose them successively to sun and frost.

4 September 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

Don't butter your cat. Okay? Okay.

KATHLEEN BARTON wishes for "a good remedy for bad temper, for frightened people, and for making dogs thin." For the first we might re-introduce the old English "ducking stool" - a cure for "scolds."  For the next, we should first know how they become "frightened people."  For the third, reduce their allowance of food.

 DOLLY VARDEN NO.2 - 1. You are quite right to hesitate over accepting even a flower from gentlemen with whom you have to do in your business; considering how familiar they frequently are, we strongly advise you to decline very politely, with a slight bow, saying, "You must kindly excuse me but I do not accept flowers from gentlemen" Of course your conduct and manner must be all "of a piece," and you should avoid joking and laughing with them. 2. Perhaps you might obtain a situation as a book-keeper.

SUSANNAH H - We advise you to banish from your mind all thoughts of being what you always call a "goveness". Your spelling, writing, grammar, and common style of expressing yourself render a girl, already nearly fifteen, quite incompetent to prepare for such a situation. We never before heard of such a person as a "short-hand goveness." From your desire to educate yourself, and thereby earn your living, we daresay you are a nice little girl; but if you applied as much zeal to e a good needlewoman, to make dresses, and to dress hair, you are still young enough to fit yourself for a good situation as a lady's maid. Or else you might learn to be a cook, and you could attend classes.

PUSSY - 1. Perhaps if you cut off a little of your cat's hair, and buttered the shortened coat, you might induce her to keep herself clean. 2. The Freemasons claim King Solomon as a member of their society, we believe, but a recent authority says that English Freemasonry does not date back further than Queen Anne's time, and the building of the cathedral of Cologne is given as the date of that on the Continent.

14 August 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

ALIGHTAH - 1. It is a pity that you should be "much older than your age." You have three years at least before you begin to think of "coming out." 2. It would be very improper for any young girl to ride out alone, or with a riding master, unless accompanied by one or more companions. We do not consider it seemly for a girl to ride into the country even, accompanied only by her groom Such rides should be restricted to the parks and public places. 3. We do not perceive any suitability in the name "Madcap" to a tennis club. If you wore any distinguishing uniform you might reasonably call the club the blue, red, green, or black-caps. Black and gold would be a well-selected combination  for the uniform.

MARY (Southbro') - You cannot want a "receipt for cracked lips," as you have never sent us any to be acknowledged; nor even a recipe for them, as they would not prove an agreeable acquisition. If you want a cure for them we should advise you to invest a penny in a little lip salve, to be had at all chemists' shops. Avoid altogether wetting your lips with the tongue - a common and injurious habit. Apply the lip slave whenever you take your daily walk, and on going to bed every night. We are obliged to you for your kindly-expressed thanks. Excuse our pointing out that you should not say that it is "published for we girls," but for us.

CORALINE - It would be a great impertinence and breach of etiquette in any private gentleman or lady to call upon one of the royal princes or princesses, however near their residence might be. It is not according to the usages of polite society  for the untitled gentry to take the initiative and to call upon a peer or peeress, unless at their special request. Supposing even that you were visiting in a house where one of the Royal Family was likewise a guest, the hostess would not have the right to present you without any desire on their part that she should do so.

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY - It would be better to defer your perusal of such books until you are old enough to understand their humorous character.

ESME - It is not usual to accept "valuable presents" from a man to whom you are not engaged; or, at least, whom you do not intend to accept should he offer you marriage. Consult your mother or guardian. If you accept the gift, he will regard it as an indication of your intentions to accept his offer of marriage. 2. A man who is "always speaking disparagingly of women's intellect," would not "make a good husband"; for two good reasons, viz - he is grossly ignorant of the very first principles of good breeding, in expressing such an opinion in the presence of any woman; and if so unmannerly before marriage, he would prove even less scrupulous after it. Secondly, he must be wilfully ignorant and prejudiced to express such an opinion/ face of the tests supplied by the recent competitive examinations of female students in every branch of literature, science, and art, in which they have attained to the highest standard ever reached by men.

24 April 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

CHARIS - Perhaps you are not aware that you are only one, out of some hundreds of correspondents, all equally anxious for replies; and moreover, that but one page in each week's paper is devoted to them. WE do not undertake to give answers by the "next week." Should you wish to make the life of Caroline Herschel, the subject of your Prize Essay, you may. Your question has been answered already.

TOPSY - Never attempt to remove moles. Warts may be destroyed by caustic. See article on "How to Look your Best."

LOTTIE - We advise you to go to college; both on the account of the wishes of your parents, and because it will be of great advantage to you, to complete your education. 2. In reference to the craze which appears to exist amongst young people to make themselves thin when nature intended them to be fat, we can only refer you to the answer just given to a fellow-sufferer, who calls herself "Ross". Besides, a lean teacher, or governess, is a very unattractive looking object to children. They are always supposed to be cross.

BERTHA ALICE - Your verses, though not poetry, evince a spirited nature and have a good wholesome ring about them. Perhaps, if you made composition a stud, you would be able to do better by and by. To this end, we could not recommend you a better instruction book than the "Handbook of the English Tongue" by Angus; published by the Religious Tract Society, 56, Paternoster Row. But to be a poet, you must produce original and beautiful ideas, apt similes, original thoughts, clothed in forcible language. It is not sufficient to express sensible views of life in a swinging sort of metre - jogging along like an old horse cantering to market, with a jingle of cart-bells about his neck.

ROSS - We are at a loss to understand why so many girls are demented on the subject of the natural plumpness which nature bestows on youth. It is a sign of health, unless your doctor have pronounced it to be dropsy in your particular case. And indeed, if you attempted to upset nature's arrangements and to use artificial means for making yourself a scarecrow, dropsy might be a very probable winding up of the little game. Your suggestion respecting the applicability of vinegar quite shocks us. You little know how ill you soon would be.

RUBY complains that "the skin of her face has been peeling for some weeks." This is certainly a distressing state of things. Try bathing in oatmeal gruel, very thinly made, and wear a veil when you go out. Always keep away from the fire.

PUSSY is "very much troubled with styes." We advise her to bathe them frequently with warm milk and water, and, if come to a head, she may get her mother to pass a wedding ring - or the smooth hoop of the under part of any gold ring - once or twice across them, to relieve them of the matter that has formed. It may be necessary to poultice them at night, with a warm application of white bread and water. They are usually the result of too poor living, bad air, thin blood, or impure water; and a doctor's advice - both as to the nature and removal of the cause and the cure by diet, and, perhaps a tonic - is much to be recommended. Whitlows are often produced as styes are; and need the same kind of treatment.

21 February 1880 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

A COMPANION - Your question is too vague. If exercise be desired, no game is preferable to battledore and shuttlecock. If a sedentary recreation, try the arrangement of a scrap-covered screen.

MOUSIE - Home employments of a lucrative character are more difficult to discover than any others. We know of nothing to suit you, excepting orders for plain sewing or knitting. Your writing would be sufficiently good for copying, but there is little to be obtained in that line. WE do not charge for answers.

A. SOUL - Would it not be better to consult your geography instruction book under "Ireland" for the answer to such a question? Our time is too valuable to waste in sending answers to any inquirers that may find the information required in a geography, grammar, arithmetic, or history book; or any ordinary work of the school-room. If you cannot obtain information on any subject at home, we are very glad to give you our assistance

BRIGHTON - Try lemon juice and glycerine, mixed half and half, for your freckles, and wear a veil. If too strong for your skin, after a trial of it as above prescribed dilute it with rosewater.

DOROTHY - 1. To remove iron-mould from linen, wet the spot and lay the article on a hot-water plate, and drop a little essential oil or lemons upon it. When dry, wet again and drop the oil as before, keeping the water boiling hot in the plate. When the stain has faded out, wash the linen well to get rid of the acid and its injurious effects. 2. Jewellers' rouge, employed for cleaning gold and plate, is not that used as a cosmetic  for the face. It is prepared by calcining precipitated sesquioxide of iron; and is much recommended by silversmiths; but if used twice a week, the plate would suffer considerable wear .We should certainly avoid rubbing it on a cut finger, or using it  for the face, and much less should we allow a child to put it near its mouth. 3. A paste made of fine emery and sweet oil, or else a preparation of polishers' putty-powder mixed with a little oxalic acid, applied with water, should be rubbed on the rusty steel. Then wash, dry, and polish with a chamois leather.

SNOWDROP AND CROCUS may find a decoction of rosemary of much service in making their hair grow. But they should leave their eyelashes alone.

NELLY - Pray do not put to us such absurd questions. We decline to give advice to love-sick girls. Cultivate the qualities we point out in every number of this publication and you need not fear that in the future you may be "alone in the world". No woman true to God and to herself can ever be really so.

E.S.W. For weak ankles nothing is better support than well-fitting laced boots, without high heels. Weak ankles are very common, and no wonder. With the perversity common to their sex, ladies, plantigrades by nature, convert themselves into digitigrades by fashion, throw all the wonderful mechanism of the human foot out of gear, and then complain of their weak ankles, forsooth. As for skating, it is essentially a plantigrade accomplishment, the power being in the heel and not in the toe. Not feathered Mercury himself could skate in high-heeled boots. We think that as yet nothing has been produced equal to the club wooden skate, with a heel-strap, and a 7 or 8 feet radius. A person with weakened ankles will find the Acme very trying, in consequence of the leverage.

21 February 1880 - 'Hats and Bonnets of the Nineteenth Century' by S.F.A. Caulfield

In which we invite the readers of the G.O.P. to LOL at the ridiculous things people used to wear on their heads.

The extraordinary freaks of fashion in olden times scarcely exceed the absurdities into which we have been led since the first development of a bonnet out of the hat. This variation in our out-of-door head-dress dates from the year 1795. The original bonnet was shaped like a jockey-cap, the brim in front spreading out rather far on a line, with the top of the ear. It was tied on with lavender-coloured strings without ends, was composed of straw, the dome-shaped crown, decorated with red perpendicular stripes, meeting at the top (still jockey fashion) while the projecting brim was plain, and a wreath of laurel leaves surrounded the head.

Small-sized bonnets continued to be worn, as well as hats, up to about the year 1820, when, as our illustration will show you, the brim had expanded and there was no cap border to fill up the empty space underneath it. Some kind of ribbon ruching decorated the brim all round, the latter reaching down below the ear; and there was also a ribbon trimming for back round the crown.

Ten years afterwards a very plain and unbecoming style came into fashion - trimmings were almost at a discount. One plain piece of ribbon was passed round the middle of the coarse straw bonnet, the ends of which were tied under the chin; while, at the back and under the flat-lying crown, there was a frilling of the ribbon or of a piece of silk of the same colour, as a finish to the bonnet, and a shade to the back of the neck, called a "curtain". The straw was either of the natural colour, or else dyed black or brown. Sometimes a plainly-tied bow was placed, like a butterfly, on the top of the head, midway between the crown and the brim. Such a bonnet as this may still be seen on the girls of some of the "charity schools".

A few years afterwards young people often wore beaver bonnets, which were shaped much in the form of the above-named "cottage". These were trimmed with thick silk cords and tassels, matching them in colour.

Simultaneously with the wearing of these two descriptions of bonnets, turbans were in fashion amongst the dowagers, and these were transmitted from a still earlier date. A beautiful satin of a delicate shade of French plum-colour, or violet-grey, was sometimes manufactured into a high turban kind of cap, having a flat band of the material across the head, a high "caul" standing up at the back, and a narrow frill of lace round the face. Others wore a loosely-twisted and more Turkish-looking turban; either of velvet, or silk, or of both folded together and usually very bright in colour .These were decorated, as in the illustration, with feathers or other ornaments.

It is scarcely surprising that the hideous article known as the "cottage bonnet" of 1830 ceased to have any attractions after a reign of some seven years, and that we flew into another, and just opposite, extreme of fashion, when the immense flaring bonnet, assigned to the year 1837, the year of the accession of Queen Victoria, took the economical amongst us so painfully by surprise, with its floral decorations inside the deep front, and the three or four nodding ostrich plumes, towering high above the crown. The strings securing it were tied, in bows on one side, and, as you may imagine, it was a matter of some inconvenience to walk out on a rough day, as the preposterous front acted quite as a wind-sail, and it was with no little difficulty that it could be kept on the head. The name of this ill-contrived head-covering was an "opera hat", though "hat" it really was not; and it was either made of plain velvet or of silk. It is also worth observing that they were worn not merely out of doors and at the opera, but also at balls.

In a couple of years from the first appearance of the "opera hat", some modifications took place; the shape was a little changed, but the dimensions were reduced, and the trimming was omitted - at least, a plain band round the crown, a binding round the brim, a curtain, and a bow or two at the back, replaced the costly plumage of the previous two years. A cap border was also worn, very slight round the upper part over the hair, and very wide and thick at each side of the face.

Passing over some few years, and the trifling varieties, regulated by individual fancy, either of the milliner or the wearer, helping to fill a gap in the history of fashion, we find that a soupcon of the discarded "cottage" appeared about the year 1846, rather less unsightly, yet meagre in design, lying flat on the head, brim and crown being run into one, and parallel respectively with each other. A wreath of leaves or flowers enlivened its dullness outside, together with some narrow bands of ribbon or velvet laid across it at equal distances apart. No cap-border was worn with this head-gear, but the vacant space between the front and the face was partially filled up by large sausage-like rolls of hair, laid against the cheek and extending to the jaw, while a comb confined the braids across the forehead just above the eyebrows. These very unpretentious bonnets were made of straw, and were tied on, under the chin, with a bow of broad ribbon, the shallow curtain being of straw. Very pretty fancy straw bonnets were worn within the years 1840 and 1850, with trimmings of the same. These were Tuscan straws, of a buff colour, and sometimes the bonnets were made in alternate bands of straw plait, and gathered quillings of silk.

 Gathered silk bonnets, of plain or checked material, in various colours, came into fashion in the year 1848, and with them the whisker-like cap-borders, lying on each cheek, and unconnected one with the other by any upper border. Ribbons and flowers embellished these quillings, which could be seen in profile below the rim of the bonnet-front, which was a good deal cut away from the cheeks on either side. Broad strings were tied in a bow under the chin, but no trimming decorated the exterior. The brim was moderately deep, spreading at the sides, and depressed at the top.

In about the year 1850 the brims of our bonnets were very wide, round, and deep, and the deep cap-frill of the previous style was still retained. These bonnets were of straw, and had very broad strings, tied in a large bow under the chin.

I do not pretend to give an unbroken list of all the out-of-door head coverings worn in each successive year, from the beginning of this century up to the present time; but so far only as any great varieties of fashion cropped up, from time to time, during that period. Of course there can be but one opinion respecting the fact that no fashion of the 19th century has ever been so extravagantly bizarre as those of the head-dresses that immediately preceded the creation of the bonnet. For example, if the "fair Mary Anne Robinson' otherwise known as the "Bird of Paradise", (an engraving of which may be seen in Fairholt's "Costumes of England") and others quite as monstrous, that excited no surprise nor disapproval in the year 1728. Those were the trying days when our unfortunate grandmothers or great-grandmothers used to require the services of a hairdresser on every occasion that their hair had to be "taken down", turned up again, and stuck all over with ribbons, flowers, feathers, and lace. What with all the false hair, pomatum, powder, and pinnings on all of the decorations in their right position upon a cushion laid on the top of the head, no one could rear up such an amazing erection for herself; nor could any ordinary maid do it for her. To save expense, therefore, a hairdresser had to be engaged monthly, or by those who could not economise in such a matter, weekly; and the operation he then performed was called "opening a lady's head"; when, as they significantly expressed it, "it would keep o longer!" At night, a large "net fillet" was put over all this grandeur, combining indoor head-dress, and outdoor bonnet, and hat all in one; and this bag was tied closely with a drawing string  for the night. I suppose that at no period of the world's history did women suffer so acutely  for the satisfaction of looking each like her neighbour.

Weary of the round broad brims and heavy cap-borders of the year 1864, we seem to have returned to our craze for height. Straw was still in vogue, and cutting away the brim at the ears, we raised up the centre to such a degree that, at a little distance, and regarded "full-face" it looked like a sugar-loaf. The whole of the inside was a mass of flowers and ribbons, and a broad pair of strings were tied under the chin. These bonnets were called "spoons".

Look at the hideous hat of 1865.

After a reign of about two years the style of our bonnets again underwent a complete change, and the cone-shaped brim was seen no more, Then came in a very reasonable and pretty little cap-shaped head-dress, made of lace or tulle, upon a shape of buckram and wire. A small trimming of flowers decorated the exterior but the bonnet lying flat down on the top of the head, there was no room for embellishment inside the brim. A pair of tulle or lace-veil-like strings were connected together, at some distance below the chin, with a small bouquet or single flower.

In the year 1869 as you will observe from the illustration supplied, this pretty article of dress was deformed into a sort of patch, made of wire and buckram, covered with tulle and lace, worn like a saddle, and looking like a basket women's "pad" on the top of her head, to save it from injury in carrying her burden. A pair of silk lappet-strings, laced or fringed-out at each side, were brought together in the same style as those previously worn; the hair being elaborately dressed, and made the most of, to supply the deficiencies of this apology for a bonnet at the back.

Excepting the elderly ladies, hats appear to have aided considerably in filling-in the space of time between the introduction of the last style and the two nondescripts - half bonnet and half hat - that succeeded it in the years 1875-76. The first was of silk, and was perched on the back hair, showing a plait or coil of it in front. The brim was rather wide, and turned up all round. A large rose or bouquet was worn underneath it, over the left ear; and a large ostrich feather inserted in front, fell back over the crown. The hair was no longer brought down on either side of the forehead, but continued, as in the patch-bonnet, to be brushed back from the face; and the short-cut fringe of that over the forehead, so worn in 1866, remained in fashion til 1876.

The year last-named saw a change in our head coverings. Straw reigned once more, but there was a little of it in the saucer shapes that again served only to cover the back-hair, and to leave one plait of it visible in front. Feathers, silk bows, and bunches of fruit nearly hid their foundation from view; and a pair of broad tulle or net strings were brought round from the centre of the back, to be united on the chest of the wearer. These two last-named bonnets were in very bad taste, and had an indescribably vulgar effect, perhaps to be accounted for by its peculiar associations, i.e., the great tenacity with which the lower classes have retained these shapes, with their dirty, gaudy finery, and the bold look of suck a lack of covering, and shade to the face out of doors - placing them on the back hair as they still do, up to the present time.

It would be impossible to say what style of head-gear more than another distinguishes the taste of to-day; so many are the forms adopted to suit the faces or fancies of the wearers; nor would it always be possible to distinguish which was a bonnet and which was a hat.

20 August 1887 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

A lot of snark and boy troubles this month. 

POOR JANE: - All our readers of Answers to Correspondents know very well that we make no invidious distinctions between the upper classes and the poor. You have certainly no cause for complaint, since we answered your first letter at once. The tone of this second letter is impertinent, in suggesting that perhaps we shall not reply "because you are poor". You are mistaken in thinking that the use of a "J" pen will make you "write like a lady". Write careful copies with any pen you like. We do not care to advertise books on palmistry.

E.G.A.C.B.: - How many initials you need for identification! The rule is  for the lady to bow first, and then the man to take off his hat. There is no occasion for stopping to speak in the street; far better not to do so.

ELEANOR M.E.:- You might do so in private, and it would give pleasure. But you do well in pausing to ask advice in such matters.

SIS WIN:- No girl at seventeen should be liable to forget herself in saying or doing what is indiscreet. She should not be so taken by surprise by words or acts of others as to be betrayed into making unwise confidences, nor consenting to unsuitable proposals. If self-possessed, she will be armed against indiscretion. Your writing is stiff - does not slope the right way.

WHITE HEATHER:- It is said "Doctors differ, and patients die"; so we do not desire to render "confusion worse confounded" in your case, which appears to have proved a bone of contention amongst your advisers so far. Your person and circumstances are quite unknown to us, and we could not venture to solve the difficult question. Getting all your teeth extracted seems to us like horse practice.

ELIZABETH B:- On no account marry any man that you neither have nor feel confidence in his late improvement in conduct. If the very thought of marrying him makes you ill, and you are not strong, do not be persuaded to do so. No parent has any right natural or legal to force a child into a marriage against her inclination. Tell your mistress all your trouble, and remain in your situation. You would be quite justified in going away unknown, if you had any respectable place to go to, and that were your only way of escape. In any case, even when in the church you can say "No!" when the clergyman asks you whether you will have the man. Tell your case to a magistrate and ask for his protection.

TROUBLED SIS: It is not only indiscreet, but wrong, to correspond with any man other than with him to whom you are engaged; more especially when he had the audacity to put you "on your honour not to show the letters" and presumes to address you as "Darling Sis!"  Of course your affianced husband has a right to see the letters of any man who writes to you. His chatting in a friendly way, or even flirting with a lady friend, does not justify you in doing the same. If he does wrong, why should you follow suit? Be off with the old love before you are on with the new.

HAMLET:- You need to be taught to ride a tricycle and to wear a suitable dress that will not be entangled in the wheels. Under other circumstances it would be dangerous to ride one.

LIZZIE LANDSDOWNE should make rosemary tea just as she would make drinking tea, or sage tea for application to a sunburnt face.

J.H.:- WE do not think you could teach, or rather un-teach your bird its present habit of taking its bath without a companion to give it a lesson. Of course it would not understand how to begin.

IVY LEAF must find something useful and interesting to think about. An idle mind will naturally dream and wander like a rudderless ship. The cure depends on her own will.

A.B.C. has no idea of versification.

ONE OF THE GIRLS:- Your lines show religious feeling, not genius.

GERTRUDE M. DUTTRY:- The lines have some merits, but the handwriting is extremely hard to decipher, and also ugly.

MARIE STUART:- We advise our taking more exercise, leaving off tea and coffee, and stimulants if you take them. Take cocoa instead, also fruit cooked and uncooked, and cultivate happiness in yourself; it will grow if you really begin to see the bright side of life.

F.M.T.W.:- The person who wrote your quotation must have been ignorant and foolish to the last degree; the Coronation Stone, even for its antiquity and association, is an interesting and wonderful relic.

SPRING FLOWERS:- The composition you send to us for insertion is of the usual schoolgirl kind. By-and-by you may do better, and achieve some originality of thought.

HELEN:- It is anything but "the beauty of the hair to be so greasy"! Wash it once a week, and keep it thoroughly brushed daily, using clean brushes perpetually.

15 March 1884 - Answers to Correspondents - Miscellaneous

It's kind of like Jeopardy!, isn't it.  The questions themselves are anybody's guess.

D.P. – Certainly; no one, employer or not, has the smallest right to take possession of another person’s private letters, whether picked up in their house or obtained by other means, and whether with or without her knowledge.  It is possible that, under certain peculiar circumstances, such as the recognition of a son’s writing and discovery of a clandestine correspondence with one enjoying their confidence, thus dishonourably abused, they might be tempted to act in a manner equally dishonourable on their part.  But this betrayal of their confidence confers no legal right on them to steal or read the letters.  Their proper course would be to present them unopened and unread to the governess, and to say that the writing outside being recognised, they must request, for the sake of the mutual regard between all parties, that an explanation be given.  But either to read, to retain, or to obtain any letter “privately” would be highly reprehensible.  But we are only suggesting exceptional circumstances.  In your case you should write and say that “a third application proving fruitless, you would be reluctantly obliged to take legal prgs”.  This you could do by sending them a lawyer’s letter, for which they would be charged 6s. 8d. each time.

TAFFY – We consider £25 the least salary that could reasonably be offered you, and £30 more in proportion to all that you had to do.  But we warn you not to give up a home, if otherwise satisfactory, at your early age, unless very certain of securing one as agreeable at a higher salary.  Clergymen are often unable to give much beyond a home, where all meet on equal terms, and live together.  A certificate for a short term of residence does not carry much weight.  We recommend patience.

AUTUMNA – It is not at all necessary that you should thank your hostess for “a most agreeable evening” if it have been a particularly dull one.  Give her a pleasant smile, and do not let her see any look of dissatisfaction.  Nor is there any reason why you should give any opinion of the prettiness of a baby.  Smile at it, and take its little hand, and give kind looks at it, which will obviate any apparent obligation to tell stories.  As to a picture, to give no opinion is unfavourable.  Ask some question instead, or remark on the picturesqueness of the view instead of speaking of the workmanship.  To remove the inkstain from the white marble, try cream of tartar and salts of sorrel, one ounce of each; mix well, and keep in a stoppered bottle. 

GIPSY – To marry at seventeen would be very unwise.  A girl should be in the schoolroom at that age and when introduced into such society as that to which her parents belong, she should wait for two or three years at least – so as to make more acquaintances and have a choice – before taking so serious a step in her life as marriage.  The young recruit sees little more than the becoming uniform, the delights of travel, and the inspiring drum and fife and military band.  Just so the raw, inexperienced schoolgirl contemplates the trousseau, the fete and wedding presents, and the dignity of being a matron over a household of her own.  And so both rush blindly into anxieties, pains and penalties, of which neither had previously formed any idea.  To “stick to a fellow, although all the world would be against him” may be praiseworthy in a wife, but would be an evidence of a very headstrong, perhaps undutiful, girl – wanting in commonsense, under any other circumstances.

“THE MOST MISERABLE GIRL THAT EVER LIVED” – is the name adopted by a little girl only just brought into association with older people.  She feels shy, and has not been so raised as to feel otherwise than awkward and out of her place.  We doubt that her condition, painful as it is, could justify our shy little friend’s claim to such a name.

QUANDUM – It is very vulgar to say “beg pardon” and the phrase does not mean what the speaker intends.  It means “I beg your pardon” instead of which, by omitting the “I”, he commends you to beg his!  When anyone thus desires you to excuse any accidental unpoliteness on their part, you should reply “Pray do not mention it” or “Thank you, it is of no consequence”, or “Not at all!”; “No harm is done, thank you!”

A PAISLEY CAT – is informed that we do not answer impudent letters, and hers is consigned to the wastepaper basket on this account. 
 

1 April 1893 - 'The Evils of Hotel Life for Children

Well, this is news for Eloise. And I wasn't quite ready for the sudden swerve right at the end into how privileged working-class children are and how it's time someone thought of the rich children.

In the rush to the South, during this winter, whole families migrate – and it is a never-ending surprise to see how many discomforts and disagreeable these flocks of travellers will put up with in order to obtain the sunshine which they seem to think is unobtainable nearer home.  Of late years the custom of taking children on these yearly expeditions seems to have much increased, and these few notes on the evils of hotel life for children may be of interest to those who contemplate taking their little ones to spend some weeks or months in the Sunny South.  These notes were made during a long stay in many hotels on the Riviera, when I had endless opportunities of observing “the manners and customs” of large numbers of these unfortunate hotel children.

Children, at an age when they ought to be feasting on mutton and rice-pudding in their nurseries are, when on these travels, brought to a table d’hote dinner at least once, and often twice a day, or if not old enough to be promoted to this dignity, are banished with their respective nurses to the far-off regions where maids, couriers and children, have the equally unwholesome fare which their elders and betters are enjoying above.  Perhaps the unwholesomeness of the fare is compensated for in their parents’ eyes by the educational advantages they must gain from the conversation going on around them (In one case the subject under discussion was whether a certain lady – the mother of three children present – had, or had not, any pretensions to good looks!) and from the knowledge that at three or four years old they are cultivating a discriminating taste for champagne – couriers and maids being in this respect almost invariably better served than their masters.  In many cases it is probable that the mother is the last person who will find out of what the children’s dinner consists on these occasions, but surely, if misfortune obliges her to bring her children abroad, her duty would oblige her to see that they were cared for, both physically and men tally.  Rich people travelling with “children and suite” and engaging as often as not the best salons in the house for their private use, are quite awake to the fact that by sending the “suite” (including their children) to dine in company with other “suites”, a perceptible difference will be noticeable in their weekly bill without having themselves suffered any inconveniences from the economy.

A lady having written to the manager of a large hotel to arrange prices for a prolonged stay for herself, her husband, her little girl, and the governess, was surprised to find at the end of the first week that her bill was nearly twice as much as she had been led to expect.  Repairing to the bureau she interviewed the autocrat, who calmly replied, “You desired that your daughter and her governess should dine with you in the sale a manger.”  “Well,” said the lady, “and how does that affect the terms I arranged with you before I came?”  “I took it for granted that the governess and child would dine with the waiters and maids.”  Under these circumstances a rearrangement of terms was clearly the only way out of the difficulty for the amazed and indignant mother.  Were there a few more travelling mothers such as these, it might be worth a hotel manager’s while to add a third “salle”  to his public rooms, viz., a children’s dining-room, such as there is on most large steamers, where a good wholesome nursery dinner could be served to the children and their guardians; where a leg of mutton and simple puddings should take the place of a lunch or dinner of four or six courses, and where the children, at least inasmuch as eating and drinking is concerned, should continue to lead the wholesome life to which some of them are, we hope, accustomed at home.  But as long as parents are content to save a few francs a day at their children’s expense, and are avowedly unmindful of their wellbeing or comfort, why should the manager or owner of a hotel be “plus royalist que le roi.”

Of course there are so many ways in which money must b e spent upon children, that any saving such as we have mentioned must be considered.  The same children who are grudged the money which would secure for them wholesome food in wholesome surroundings are clothed in purple and fine linen for fear of any discredit being reflected on their owners, and there are few more pathetic sights than to watch a little group f smartly-dressed hotel children sent out to play in the garden, and watched not only by mamma and her friends, but also by a jailer or two in the shape of a nurse, who has her eye not so much on her charges as on the clothes of her charges.  “Baby, dear, you mustn’t pick up a stone, o you will soil your gloves – there, put it down, dear, and don’t sit down on the ground;” as baby, deprived of one amusement and thinking, no doubt, that nurse’s attention had now wandered to her brother’s white suit, bethought her of the harmless occupation of sitting down by the side of her little bucket and filling it with stones, scraped up with a diminutive spade, hands being forbidden.  But the white frock was now in danger, and baby was set on her legs and the spade confiscated.  Occupation number two was forbidden, and so it went on.  One thought of the time-honoured legend in Punch when Ethel is bidden to “go and see what baby is doing, and tell him he is not to,” and only wondered how long it would be before the temper of this fairy-like little apparition in white-silk frock and sun-bonnet would be ruined.  A few hours romping in unspoilable Holland smocks would be worth any number of weeks of this so-called “play” to these luckless and trim little mortals.

And how unchildlike they are – shyness is unknown, and they welcome new acquaintances in a manner which would make one smile were it not so pathetic.  To talk to these small people of dolls, or pet animals is to cause them to look at you critically as though they were wondering what manner of person you could be, and what language you were talking.  But ask them about their travels, where they have been, when they are “going on”, how they like the hotel, what they think of the food and the wine, and their tongues are unloosed.  How can they remain children when their lives are stripped of all that makes a child’s life worth living?  And what do they gain in exchange for the loss of a free life?  Not long ago talking to a small boy of ten, who ought to have been at school learning cricket, if nothing else, I ventured to inquire whether he had, during some months’ stay in Italy, learnt much of the language.  He replied that it was entirely unnecessary, whereupon I suggested that as he was to “make his money in business” such he had informed me was his intention – it might perhaps come in useful.  Also, I added, you may never have such a good opportunity again.  “I guess there's no Italian worth doing buzz with in New York, who can’t speak German or English,” he retorted.  These were the two languages with which he had been familiar from babyhood, and with the help of which he intended making his way in the world.  Months spent in France, and months in Italy had taught him not one word of French or Italian.

But so many tales are told of the independence and precocity of American children that one ceases to be surprised at fresh instances of it.

What comes upon us with a shock is to realise that as regards this precocity and unchildlikeness English children are becoming painfully like their American cousins.  In fact we, too, are in great danger of losing our children, and substituting for them these queer little puppets with the manners and tastes of men and women of the world.  What can be expected of a little girl who at three years old is brought down to a long seven o’clock table d’hote dinner, and who, in order to fit her for any gaieties, which may be going on afterwards, demands regularly her cup of black coffee “to wake me up,” as the poor mite explains in her prim little voice.  Night after night during a long stay u/ same roof have I gone upstairs at ten o’clock leaving this white-faced, white-frocked baby, still awake – still chattering among a crowd of grown-up people in the brightly-lighted salons.  Will she ever rest or ever have one hour of wholesome sleep of play.

People talk much of the unwholesome life led by the children employed in the pantomimes at Christmas-time.  The excitement of such a life, it is said, unfits them for settling down in after years to any more monotonous employment, the glamour of the stage blinds them for ever to the interest of ordinary occupations, and their lives are often ruined.  What a valuable comparison might be made between the months of stage life in one instance and the months of hotel life in the other.  In one case the children are taken from poor and cramped homes, they are subjected to discipline and healthy exercise.  Singing and dancing are natural pleasures to children, so that their work is their pleasure.  Their education is continued, in many cases at a theatre-school, whereby unnecessary fatigue is saved, and against these advantages are to be weighed the disadvantages of excitement and late hours.  Yet more advantage must be mentioned.  It is asserted by doctors that in cases of severe illness the theatre-children among the children of the poor have the best chances of recovery – the happiness and brightness brought into their lives doing more towards a cure than anything else.  So much for the months of stage life.  In the second case children are taken from comfortable and specially-arranged nurseries to hotel rooms where space is paid for almost by the inch.  I have heard of a small single room serving as day and night nursery for a nurse and her two little charges for months at a time.

They get, as we have seen, little or no play for their free time is often employed in being taken for excursions which they rarely care about, and which generally overtire and upset them.  Their education is neglected, inasmuch as lessons are given spasmodically instead of regularly.  In the garden, or in the public salons, children are often to be found “doing their lessons” under what, to both child and teacher must be almost insurmountable difficulties, perpetual coming and going, and ceaseless chatter.  At other times the poor little victim may be found fighting alone with French exercises or Latin verbs, while “papa” or “mamma” is having a walk.

Again, would be readers and lovers of quiet are distracted by the patient practising of scales and exercises in the public rooms.  The excitement and the late hours are equally applicable to both cases; but in the second case we must not forget that unwholesome living (especially accustom children to the habitual use of wine) is to be added to these two evils. 

If the months of theatre life strike some people as undesirable, how much more undesirable must the months of hotel life appear.  How will a quiet home life with its ordinary occupations strike girls brought up from infancy in the excitements arising from the public life.  They are blasé at six years old, and accomplished flirts at ten.  What will the discipline of school do for boys whose earliest ideas have been gathered from foreign waiters, valets and hotel managers, and who prefer claret to gingerbeer.

As I write I have in my mind a scene I witnessed only last year, evening after evening, for several weeks.  Between his parents at the dinner-table sat a little boy not yet promoted to knickerbockers.  Solemnly he went through the long dinner, duly demanding a tooth-pick to be handed to him after the joint, and alas! having his champagne-glass duly looked after by the admiring waiter.  Night after night was he carried from the room at the end of dinner, after having vainly attempted to walk alone, and on more than one occasion have I come across him lying half-stupefied on the stairs or fighting violently with the nurse who was endeavouring to get him to bed. 

But enough examples have been given to prove that cruelty to children may take a form which cannot be dealt with by any society, but which may yet effectually destroy the present happiness, and ruin the hereafter of many of the children who are supposed to be living in the lap of luxury.  “Charity begins and ends abroad,” is the nineteenth-century version of the old saying that “Charity begins at home”.  Much thought and more money are expanded in schemes for the wellbeing of the “ne’er-do-weel” and to be thoroughly wicked or thoroughly disreputable is to possess the “open sesame” to all the good things of this world.

Meanwhile much thought as to the welfare of many of the children of these same charitable folk is an impossibility – the poor demand all one’s time.  Children who happen to be the property of poor or improvident parents clearly deserve the first consideration.  These children are to be forcibly taken from the sphere into which, as we used to be taught in an old-fashioned catechism, “it has pleased God to call them” and to be boarded out or received in institutions where they will have a happy and child-like education, together with a liberal allowance of toys and cakes and holidays in the country or at the seaside.  The wherewithal to provide all this for other people’s children is generally asked for in “the name of your own little ones”.  So while on the one hand the lot of the children of the “masses” is being made every day more happy and luxurious, while endless new schemes are forthcoming to relieve their parents from all responsibility connected with them (for the mere fact that such and such parents possess more children than there is any possibility of being able to keep alive, let alone clothe and educate, is the surest passport to the favour and the purse of these sentimental beggars of other people’s goods); on the other hand the children of the richer classes seem to be every day less considered.

The children of the lowest classes are eagerly sought for, and to pay for their maintenance and education is fast becoming a fashionable craze.

The children of parents well-off, from a monetary point of view, often have far less thought and no more care expended on them than these little arabs.  Once more it must not be forgotten that unless the welfare of the latter is looked after by their lawful guardians it will be looked after by no one.  In this respect they are decidedly worse off than the former.

No – the children of the well-to-do are equally dependent on their parents, and surely a very little thought and a very little experience would prove that if the children of the street must have their toys, and their games, and their “child-like life”, so also ought the children of the well-to-do, who are now so often defrauded of their childhood and made old and terribly wise by the publicity and unwholesomeness of their lives.  Hotel life, above all else, kills child-life as surely as the hot-house kills the wild roses.
 

24 March 1900 - 'A Little Strengthening Medicine' by 'The New Doctor'

In which The New Doctor rails against people who use bitters and tonics when he thinks they don't need to, and a veterinary surgeon's treatment of a lady's dog is questionable. 

 A certain lady brought her pet lap-dog to a veterinary surgeon. “Poor dear Fido,” she said, “has quite lost his appetite of late. He will scarcely eat anything, and is very depressed and listless. I have tried to tempt him with every dainty I could think of, but it is all to no purpose. The poor dear cannot eat. Yesterday he could scarcely manage the breast of a fowl which he had specially cooked for him. I am afraid that he must be very ill indeed!  Do you think that you can cure him?  Cannot you give him a little strengthening medicine to improve his appetite?”

“Yes, madam,” replied the veterinary surgeon; “I think I can cure him, but I am afraid you must leave him with me for the next three days. If you will call again on Thursday, I hope to be able to restore dear Fido to you quite cured.”

“Oh dear!” exclaimed the lady, “I am very, very sorry to leave poor dear Fido, but I suppose it is necessary.  Now be sure to give him everything he wants to eat, and do not on any account stint anything that he may fancy. Remember that expense is of no moment.”

“Very well, madam. I will do my very best to cure him! Good morning.”

And the lady departed quite at her ease, but had she lingered a few moments longer, she would have heard what would have much troubled her peace of mind, and might have been very unfortunate for the health of her dog. As soon as she had gone –

“Bob,” cried out the veterinary, “take that dog and chain him up in the yard, and remember to give him nothing whatever to eat till Thursday.”

Having seen to her favourite, the lady turns her attention to her own case. She also is suffering from loss of appetite, headache and lassitude. She also wants a little strengthening medicine. So she calls on her family doctor. She tells him her symptoms, ending up with the phrase which is ever ringing in the medical ear, “Could you give me a little strengthening medicine, please, doctor?”

The answer she gets to this question and the treatment she will be advised for her complaint will vary a good deal with many circumstances.

Had she lived half a century ago and consulted a celebrated surgeon, f whom a certain kind of biscuit takes its name, she would have had a very warm quarter of an hour, and she would have left his consulting-room in a very bad temper, with no bottle of strengthening medicine in her bag, and with curt suggestions as to treatment with which she would have been far from pleased. She would have determined never again to enter the house of this impertinent, ungentlemanly man. But if she had carried out his treatment, she would have been cured in a few days.

But too often she will leave the consulting-room smiling, with a very tempting bottle of strengthening medicine and pleasant suggestions about more dainty dishes, and a very little old port wine after lunch and a small glass of liqueur after dinner; and she remembers for many a long day her charming interview with that delightful and clever doctor.

And a few days later she repeats her visit, and continues her visits for weeks, months, years, her whole life, and she never gets cured.

And as time goes on she begins to think something serious is the matter with her, and thinks of cancer or some other extremely unlikely catastrophe, and she goes on feeding herself up and eating and drinking more and more to keep up her strength. And she gets worse and worse, and weaker and weaker, till she dies of apoplexy or some such thing.

And if you ask us what causes all this, we reply, unhesitatingly, it is the little strengthening medicine and the advice which goes with it, which has done it all.

It is the little strengthening medicine which has given the kind-hearted doctor a well-paying, life-long patient. It is the refusal to grant the little strengthening medicine which has lost the great surgeon the same influential patient.

On Thursday, the lady calls for her dog, and instantly he perceives her he rushes to her arms. And the poor darling little Fido has quite recovered his appetite, and is quite his own self again.

In her walk, or rather drive (for the lady we are describing does not approve of so tiresome an exercise as walking), she ponders over the complete cure of her dear little Fido, and she can scarcely help comparing his case with he own, and the greater knowledge of the veterinary over her own doctor.

But is this fair?  Is it fair to compare the results obtained by a veterinary surgeon, who deals with subjects who are unreasoning and who cannot rebel against his treatment, with those obtained by the family doctor hampered by conventionality and crushed by the whims of a reasoning but unreasonable patient, who will not carry out any of his instructions, save such as conforms to her own wishes?

Both this lady and her lap-dog are suffering from the same complaint, caused by the same thing – overeating. This lady has probably been eating and drinking too much, and stuffing her dog at the same time, until both are ill, and both need the same very simple treatment, which the dog can get, but the human being cannot, or rather will not.

We have before told you that we thoroughly disbelieve the opinion held by so many that evey Englishwoman overeats herself. And we firmly believe that anyone who eats until her appetite is satisfied, and then leaves off, will not take into her stomach more food than is necessary, provided she takes a mixed diet, that she takes a reasonable amount of exercise, and that she does not artificially stimulate her appetite in any way.

It is to this last factor, the artificial stimulation of the appetite, that we are directing your attention. The right and natural method of stimulating the appetite, which is exercise, may be, nay, should be, indulged in by everyone, whether she be health or ill. But the artificial stimulation of the appetite which is affected by bitters, tonics and strengthening medicines, requires very great deliberation and judgment before it is justified.

We have said that the appetite should be satisfied. It is the stomach’s call for nutriment. So long as the stomach is not filled the appetite is present. When the stomach is  satisfied the appetite fails. But it is possible to pervert the appetite. It is possible by careful and systematic overeating to create an appetite which is not readily satisfied, and which persisted after the stomach is filled.

The careful training of the digestive organs to withstand chronic abuse in the way of overwork has long ago reached a high state of development, and is now one of the most respected and popular of the fine arts.

Now let us study the ways by which we can pervert our appetites.  Unfortunately, all the measures which enable us to overeat stimulate the digestive organs to digest more than necessary. If only they made those who took them sick afterwards, they would not do so much harm. But they overwork the organs to digest too much nutriment and to throw the excess of food into the blood stream, whence, as it is unnecessary, it has to be discarded, and this throws excess of labour on to the excretory organs, mainly the liver and the kidneys.

The result of all this is obviously that the body of the gourmand is doing too much work, work which is useless, namely, the preparation and assimilation of useless food which has to be immediately thrown out of the body.

And so the body gets worn out before its time. It is working too hard. It is living at too high a tension, and consequently its life is short. The gourmand dies young; the chronic port-drinker dies young. Yet both of these die of old age, of degeneration. They have, as it were, lived their lives too rapidly; they have been burning the candle at both ends, and they die of degeneration of the arteries, of the heart, of the kidneys, and of the liver. And what are these but the signs of decay, of old age, and of death? The arteries are worn out, not by years of steady normal strain, but by excessive activity and abnormal use.

The agents which enable the body to assimilate too much food are either medicinal agents, or substances present in the food itself. 

Of the latter there are soups, which, though in themselves innutritious, are powerful stimulants to digestion, highly-spiced entrees, and all the alcoholic beverages.

The medicinal agents are bitters and strengthening medicines.

We do not say that bitters are to be universally condemned, nor that strengthening medicines are always harmful. It may be necessary to produce an appetite by artificial means when the natural call for food is absent through disease. And in some diseases, such as consumption and hysteria, systematic overfeeding will do more to cure the patient than anything else. And we have drugs which will produce or increase the appetite, and will stimulate the organs to digest the excess of food.

But the gourmand has found this out. And he says to himself, “If acids and bitters after meals, or bitters and sherry before meals, will increase the appetites of those who are sick, will it not enable me to increase my capacity for gorging?” And he tries sherry and bitters for the purpose.

Bitters are terrible poisons and few persons who take an occasional bitter before an extra good dinner really know that they are laying for themselves a path which may lead them to a life of constant misery, of ill-health, of moral weakness, and of early termination. What a lost is meant by that short phrase, “I want a little strengthening medicine, please, doctor.” How much misery and ill-health is connected with it! Yet the strengthening medicine is taken by many persons, a few for whom it is necessary or advantageous, a vast number for whom it is poisonous.

Most persons have an idea that when they are “run down”, a bottle of strengthening medicine will pull them together again in a very short time. And many persons also have the insane notion that the feeling of lassitude and general debility is usually caused by insufficient food, whereas in truth not one case of debility in a hundred is due to insufficient nourishment. The vast majority of cases are due to too little exercise.

A concrete example will often emphasise a point when a host of theoretical arguments fail to impress themselves. So we will give you the history or one of the very many thousands of sufferers who yearly ruin their health by strengthening medicines.

The Rev. Mr. ____, thirty years of age, consulted a celebrated physician last year for generally debility, lassitude, loss of appetite, and, as he expressed it, complete “run-downness.”

Three years previous to the interview he was a country curate doing a great deal of work with plenty, perhaps excess, of exercise, and had consequently developed a very large appetite. He was, as are most persons who lead an active outdoor life, perfectly healthy. But having come into a considerable fortune from an unexpected source, he gave up his country curacy and came to London, where he lived an indoor life of great mental study. He found that his appetite was beginning to fail, as of course it should, now that he no longer lived an active life, and was much alarmed to find that he could only eat a comparatively small amount.

He managed to put himself into the hands of a not over-careful or brilliant medical man, who told him that he wanted feeding up, and gave him some strengthening medicine to increase his appetite.

For two years he continued steadily eating more and more and getting worse and worse. Consequently he had an interview with Dr. ____, and at that time his dietary was as follows:-

9 a.m. Breakfast. He had little appetite for breakfast, but managed a little ham and eggs, or a fried sole and a cup of tea.
11 a.m. A glass of port wine and a sandwich.
1 p.m. A lunch of two or three courses, with claret and a glass of port wine afterwards.
4 p.m. Tea and toast.
6 p.m. An elaborate dinner, with various wines and dessert.

10 p.m. A glass of hot wine.
11 p.m. A little spirits and water before retiring.

He used to take bitters before the chief meals, and acids and gentian afterwards.

When Dr. ____ saw him he was suffering from absolute misery, and said, “Doctor, I cannot eat anything further.”  Dr. ____’s first step was to thoroughly examine him, and in the first place he discovered that the unfortunate curate’s teeth were in a lamentable condition. The treatment advised was as follows: A visit to the dentist. No medicines to be taken, save a small dose of calomel every second morning. Five miles at least to be walked every day. Lastly, and most important, the diet must be as follows:-

Breakfast: One boiled egg, toast and butter, and tea.
Lunch: A little fried fish, milk-pudding, bread, etc.
Dinner: A moderate dinner of two courses only.
All his wine and spirits were cut off.

The reverend gentleman was horrified at this, and said he would be starved to death on such a diet. But he followed Dr. ____’s advice, and was perfectly well in a fortnight, and has remained so to the present day.

We have laid aside our pen for a time, and the first patient we see asks us for “a little strengthening medicine, please, doctor.” Are we never to hear the end of this miserable sentence? Are we doomed throughout life to hear this self-same call of the surfeited for stimulation to further excess?

Yes, madam, we will give you a little moral strengthening medicine. Don’t eat so much; sell your carriage and use your legs; stop your snacks and glasses of curacoa; live a sensible life, and think of something else than your alimentary canal!

Undergo the treatment that the veterinary surgeon gave to the lap-dog, or that which Abernethy gave to your grandmother: “Live on half-a-crown a day, and earn it.”

But do you think she will take our advice? Not she! She will go round to every doctor in the neighbourhood till she comes to one who will order her more to eat and give her the beloved bottle of strengthening medicine!